Sunday, July 12, 2009

Dynamars Corporation updates


The Dynamars Corporation Updates were started on Something Awful in 2004 as a tongue-in-cheek parody of games and movies like Doom and Event Horizon. As can be learned from the updates, the Mars settlers are busy fighting trans-dimensional doorways to Hell, out-of-control fast food restaurants, animals appearing out of nowhere, and also extremely strict company policy. Below is a list of all articles, starting with the first one.

Surviving residents are advised to ignore the ominous transmissions coming from Ares Station. In all likelihood, Resident #010 mistakenly activated a damaged subsystem, causing the station to automatically transmit dire predictions of death. DynaMars Corporation wishes to remind all residents that these predictions are the beliefs of a damaged Ares Station subsystem, and not those of the DynaMars Corporation itself.


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